As many of you know or have been able to piece together, I was sexually abused during my childhood. If you did not know this then,…SURPRISE!
This is REAL TALK with MLM Police.
Side note: **This could be a “Trigger” post for some, so I must warn you ahead of time.**
I wanted to give my followers an insiders view on what a childhood sexual abuse victim/survivor (honestly if your picky about being called a survivor vs: being called a victim, go find something REAL to cry about). experiences/go through/and all the fine little details, brutally honest details that I’m so well known for, so buckle up.
I am not here to “empower” other women, or “uplift” other babes, I’m unsympathetic, and quite frankly an asshole.
Some time ago I wrote a blog post about the cease and desist letter I received from the Younique Foundation Haven Retreat – not to be confused with their make up line. If you have applied, or are thinking of applying-please don’t let what i say discourage you.
I was sexually, emotionally, & physically abused from the age of 6 years old-14 years old by my step dad (now Ex-stepdad).
My mom knew about what was going on, and chose to do nothing about the situation.
I was a little kid who should have been worrying about making friends, gossiping about the other girls in my classes, playing jump rope, just being a kid. I was robbed of my childhood. I was in a constant state of “scared shitless”.
Having this trauma go on consistently for 12 years, one can only begin to imagine the kind of effect it would have on a little girl over time.
I cope the best and healthiest way I can. But I am flawed, and oh boy am I ever, but I take it day by day. I’ve learned that’s all I can really do right now.
This is what an average morning is like for me:
I wake up every single day and fight.
- Fight to get out of bed
- Fight to find my “give a shit” about taking my morning medication.
- Fight to not have a full out anxiety driven melt down, that lasts for hours, and cripples me for the remainder of my day.
- Fight to find the motivation to shower.
This is just a short snippet of the very first part of my day. I left out a lot because, well if I included EVERYTHING we would be here for DAYS!
I have been seeing psychotherapists/counselors/therapists since i was 14 years old, and still continue to do so. Therapy is an on going thing, you’re never cured. However every session my therapist and i work on things, and when i don’t see my therapist im constantly working on the things we talked about.
I also see a Psychiatrist on a monthly basis, it took me ten years to find the right Psychiatrist for me, and he has helped me to completely turn my life around. He is a true saint.
My body/mind are in a constant state of fight or flight mode. Because of this i have a constant lack of energy ALL the time, except on a random, weird, amazing day.
- As a child i was scared all the time, so growing up It was a learned habit, and basically all i knew. I have moments that i catch myself not in fight or flight, & enjoy those short moments. But my childhood trauma has had long term, life altering changes to my brain.
Things that are easy to the average person, I have to fight with all my might to get anything requiring energy done. Example: showering
I don’t piece together a purposefully broken Japanese bowl and “fix it”.
- However i could try and find one of many ceramic dishes that were chucked at my face when I was younger by my abusive stepdad. Let’s try and piece that together, now that would have meaning.
In my cease & Desist letter i received from the Younique foundation Haven Retreat; they (The foundation) in no way, shape, or form acknowledged me as a sexual abuse victim. They didn’t even TOUCH on it. They wrote the letter in such a way to completely discredit me as a sexual abuse survivor, and try and use that as leverage to scare me down, using what they thought would be my weaknesses (based on characteristics the average sexual abuse survivor experiences).
In order for The Younique Foundation to find out my true PERSONAL identity, they most likely had to do some major digging, and probably spent some money on services to find out who i am (the jokes on them haha).
When The foundation did said “digging”, I know they connected my very in depth interview I had with a “clinician” at The Foundation. My point is; THEY FUCKING KNEW/KNOW I’M A CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIM/SURVIVOR/WHATEVER.
One does not simply recover from something like this. It takes years, guidance, a support system, good health insurance (haha), and constant, constant, every-day-work. Even then you will never be cured, this traumatic experience you’ve had to go through has forever changed you.
THE BEST THING MY THERAPIST HAS EVER SAID TO ME: You’ve endured long lasting trauma, you have so many memories that will trigger your C-PTSD, and you will feel helpless, and hopeless at times. But know this with every happy moment you experience, that one small happy memory is replacing one bad memory. It will take work, and time, but one day those bad memories and experiences will slowly wither away because of the happy memories ones you are making right here, right now.
A couple thoughts before we end:
- TYF could have reacted in a few better/different ways.
1.) Let MLMPolice go to the retreat, and if they have nothing to hide welcome me with open arms.
2.) Use this as an opportunity to welcome an Anti-MLM member into the retreat, to witness there is nothing shady going on, and they are truly wanting to help people.
Instead, they leaked my information to a guy that has ties to The Foundation, and have him harass me via social media. Even after i received my C&D, this said guy still continues to harass me. HIPAA? No? OK, word.
I wanted to personally let you know that nothing contained in this blog post, or all of my past, present and future blog posts are not libelous, defamatory, or of the malicious manner.
Also: You really should hire someone else to stalk me, he really sucks at his job. (harassing, stalking me)
MLM Police (You know where i live 🙂 )